Online Therapy for Individuals & Couples • ADHD • Trauma • California • Puerto Rico • Louisiana • Florida
Trauma therapy for the patterns you didn’t choose.
CHILDHOOD & RELATIONAL TRAUMA
Maybe you learned to read the room before you could read a book. Now you can hear the slightest change in someone’s tone, go quiet halfway through saying what you need, or get through the whole damn day before you realize how upset you are.
In therapy, we’ll talk about what happened, what you had to do to get through it, and how it still shows up with the people you’re closest to.
Sometimes trauma isn’t one big event.
Maybe everyone called you mature for your age. You were ten. Or maybe you were with someone who could turn “that hurt my feelings” into a conversation about how hard you were to love.
Childhood trauma and relational trauma can come from things that happened over and over. And sometimes what sticks with you is what was missing. Someone to notice you were upset. Someone to come back after a fight and say, “I shouldn’t have said that.”
If you’ve ever followed a story about your childhood with “but it wasn’t that bad,” we can start with the part you told before the “but.”
BEYOND THE EVENT
How can childhood trauma show up in adult relationships?
Childhood trauma can shape how you handle conflict, ask for help, or let someone get close. Maybe your partner texts “okay,” and you spend the next forty minutes doing forensic analysis on a period. Or you say “I’m fine,” finish the dishes, and realize an hour later that you’re furious.
In individual trauma therapy, we can slow down one of those moments. What did you think was about to happen? What did you want to say? What felt too risky about saying it? A Tuesday-night argument can give us plenty to work with.
If you and your partner want help with the pattern you get stuck in together, you can also explore couples therapy.
Did you grow up with emotionally immature parents?
Growing up with emotionally immature parents and somehow becoming the person everyone went to for advice. You were still doing homework. In trauma therapy, we look at the role you were handed as a kid and what it still asks of you now.
Does childhood emotional neglect still affect you?
Having people who showed up for your games but had no idea what to do when you cried. We work on what that taught you about needing people, and what it could look like to let yourself need them now.
Do you want people to let you in, then pull back when they get close?
Wanting someone to let you in, then changing the subject the second they ask how you’re really doing. We work on what closeness has cost you before, so it can start to feel less like a risk.
Do you keep landing in the same relationship pattern?
Ending up with different people and realizing you’re still the one doing all the work to make things okay after a fight. We trace where the pattern started and practice something different, in session and out of it.
Does one mistake send your inner critic into overdrive?
Making one mistake and mentally pulling up every other mistake you’ve made since 2009. We get curious about that critical voice, what it’s trying to protect you from, and what it would take for it to ease up.
Are you the person everyone calls, with no one to call yourself?
Being the person everyone calls when things fall apart and having no idea who you’d call if you did. We work on letting you be supported, too.
What does trauma therapy look like at Clara?
You decide what we talk about and when. You can ask to slow down, switch gears, or leave something for another day. Some sessions are heavy. Some are about what happened last Sunday night.
I’m an active therapist. If you tell me something hurt and then immediately make a case for why it shouldn’t have, I might say, “Hang on, let’s go back to the part where it hurt.”
I’m a relational therapist. I show up as a person, and I put a lot of weight on the relationship we build. It matters that you can tell me, “I’m having a hard time saying this,” or “You missed what I meant,” and trust that I’ll listen. That’s part of how the work starts to feel safe enough to take root.
I use Brainspotting and bring Internal Family Systems (IFS) into my parts work. We might get curious about the part of you that says, “I’m fine. I’ll handle it,” before anyone has even offered to help.
I also use mindfulness and somatic techniques. If your jaw tightens or your shoulders creep up while we talk, we might pause and notice what your body is doing. Then we can try something simple, like feeling your feet on the floor or letting your shoulders drop, and see what changes.
Ready to talk it through?
We’ll talk about what brings you in and whether working together feels like a fit.