"Part of me wants to go. Part of me wants to cancel and get in bed."
"I know I should leave. Part of me just... can't."
"Part of me is furious, and part of me thinks I'm being completely ridiculous for being furious."
You already talk about yourself in parts. Most people do. We just tend to treat it like a figure of speech instead of a useful way to describe what's going on inside. Parts work takes that language seriously.
What parts work is
Parts work starts from a simple idea: you're not always one single, consistent voice. You're more like a group of people sharing a car. Different parts of you have different jobs, different fears, and very different opinions about where to go.
Having competing feelings doesn't, by itself, mean you have a disorder. The part of you that wants to rest and the part of you that's terrified of falling behind can both feel real. Parts work invites us to explore what each is trying to do for you.
The trouble starts when one part grabs the wheel and the rest of you is left in the back seat, wondering how you ended up here again.
The usual cast of characters
Everyone's inner lineup is different, but a few regulars show up a lot:
The one who keeps you in line. The planner, the critic, the perfectionist. It rewrites the email four times and reminds you, at 11 p.m., of something awkward you said in 2014. Its job is to keep you from getting hurt or embarrassed. It's very committed.
The one who keeps the peace. It says "no, it's fine" before you've checked whether it's fine. It reads the room, smooths things over, and makes sure nobody's upset with you.
The one who puts out fires fast. When things feel like too much, this part acts. Scrolling for an hour. A third glass of wine. Snapping at someone you love. It isn't thinking about tomorrow. It's trying to make right now stop.
The one carrying the old stuff. Often younger, often quiet. This is the part that still feels the loneliness, embarrassment, or fear from earlier in life — and a lot of the other parts are working very hard to keep it from being felt.
If you just recognized three of these in yourself, congratulations. You're a person.
Having competing feelings doesn't, by itself, mean you have a disorder.
Why fighting a part often doesn't help
Most of us try to deal with the parts we don't like by overpowering them. Stop procrastinating. Stop people-pleasing. Stop being so anxious. Just... stop.
You've probably noticed how well that goes.
Pushing harder can leave you more stuck. Shame yourself for procrastinating and the task may feel even harder to face. Shame yourself for blowing up and you may avoid looking at what happened. In parts work, we get curious about what a reaction might be doing for you, even when its consequences are painful.
Instead of asking "how do I get rid of this," we ask, "what is this part trying to protect me from?" That question can lead somewhere more useful than another argument with yourself.
What it looks like in a session
Usually, it's a conversation. You don't need to perform anything or use language that doesn't fit you.
It starts with something you're stuck on. Say you've been meaning to set a boundary with your mother for two years, and every time the moment comes, you fold. We'd slow that moment down. What happens inside right before you fold? Who shows up? Maybe there's a part that gets very small and very polite. We'd get curious about it. How old does it feel? What is it afraid would happen if you said the thing?
Often the answer is something like: if I say it, she'll pull away, and I'll be on my own. Which made a lot of sense when you were eight. We'd explore what's different now, and what risks or limits are still real.
That's the move. Not arguing with the part, not forcing past it. Understanding it well enough that you have more room to choose how to respond.
Where it tends to help
ADHD. If you have ADHD, there's often a part that's spent years being told you're lazy, and another part that's absolutely exhausted from compensating. Parts work can help explore the shame around the gap between knowing what to do and doing it. That gap isn't a character flaw. Parts work doesn't replace practical ADHD support; it can help us understand the feelings and self-criticism that come with it.
Perfectionism and overfunctioning. The inner critic tends to think it's the only thing standing between you and total disaster. Getting to know it, instead of just obeying or fighting it, can make room to do things well without doing them at 2 a.m.
Relationships. In a fight, fear or defensiveness can take over before either person has much time to think. Noticing that can make it easier to say "I think a part of me is reacting" instead of digging in for round six. Understanding a reaction doesn't excuse harm or make responsibility equal.
What it isn't
Talking about parts isn't a diagnosis. Having conflicting feelings isn't the same as dissociative identity disorder. Parts language is a way to explore your experience, not a way to diagnose yourself.
It isn't an excuse. "A part of me did it" doesn't get anyone off the hook. Looking at what you did with curiosity can make accountability more approachable, without deciding you're a terrible person.
You don't have to use younger-parts language. Some people find it helpful to think about reactions they learned early in life. Others prefer different words. We use language that makes sense to you.
Where the idea comes from
Parts work isn't one single method. Versions of it show up across a lot of therapy approaches, including ego state therapy, schema therapy, and Gestalt work. One well-known model is Internal Family Systems (IFS), developed by Richard Schwartz.
I've completed training in IFS and draw from it often, along with other parts-informed approaches. In my work, parts aren't a separate technique so much as a lens. They show up naturally alongside everything else we do — relational work, Brainspotting, practical skills — whenever it would help to understand which part of you is driving.
So, which part of you is reading this?
If you've ever thought "I know better, so why do I keep doing this," the answer may be more complicated than willpower. A reaction that once helped you get through something may still be showing up, even when your circumstances have changed.
Curious what that might look like for you? Read more about how I work, or book a free 15-minute consultation.
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